As I type this, I feel so incredibly guilty for putting this off. I have recently had a new baby and life has been very busy. I have been meaning to update my blog for months now, but have always came up with an excuse to push it back. When I first started this ministry, a year and a half ago, I was so excited and determined to touch lives and live out God's calling on my life. I expected to be flooded with more emails about children and families that I could photograph. But time passed, and I began to tell myself that I was not enough. That this thing that I'd started was insignificant. That only doing a couple sessions every few months didn't even matter. That I should just give up trying to tell people about my ministry...that people didn't really care. But it seems like every week, God knocks at my heart and says, "follow me." So I am listening.
A couple weeks ago I read a heartbreaking story about a young mother that lost her battle with cancer, she left behind two young sons. My first thought was, "I wonder if her boys had pictures made with her?" When our loved ones leave this earth, all we have left are memories and photographs. That's why I feel like it is so important for me to branch out my ministry to, not only terminally ill children, but parents as well. I look at my 3 healthy, beautiful babies and pray everyday that I get to be around to watch them grow up. And my biggest fear in life is that I would die young, and they would never remember the depth of my love for them. That would be a tragedy. If you and your children are healthy, then consider yourselves richly blessed. It is something that we all take for granted, all of the time. Who am I, to kick back and relax while God pours out his blessings into my life daily? It is his desire for us, as Christians to have the heart of a servant and to do things things with our lives to honor HIM.
Last summer, my Pa got really, really sick. We spent every week traveling back and forth to Nashville to visit him in the hospital. It was an emotional rollercoaster. We thought he was getting better, then he took a turn for the worst. He never came home from the hospital. The day we knew he was going to pass, I started to panic. This man was like my 2nd daddy. He was a saint, the best man that I believe has ever walked the face of this earth, besides Jesus Christ. I was currently 7 months pregnant with my 3rd child, a baby boy. I panicked because I realized that my unborn son would never get to meet that man lying in the hospital bed, struggling to breathe. My baby would never meet the man that I considered my hero. The man that, as an adult, I would still climb into his lap and feel like a child again. The man that was a prime example of Christ's love every single day he lived his life. The baby in my belly would never know just how wonderful that man was. I have my memories and I have LOTS of pictures, thanks to my momma, who is also a photographer. Hudson and Paislee, my other 2 children, have the sweetest memories of Pa, many of which are photographed. One of their very favorites pictures they love to look at is of them sipping "coffee" in Pa's lap. Anyways, I'm getting off topic again. When I realized Pa would be passing in a matter of hours, I wanted one last thing. A picture of him and my belly. The only picture I would ever have of him and my sweet baby, Dax. Those pictures are still fresh on my mind and difficult to look at because Pa was so sick and clinging to life. In those pictures, I have huge tears, and a red swollen face, but I wouldn't trade them for a million dollars...because hours later, he went to be with Jesus. The only thing that helped ease the pain of losing him, was looking at photographs. I have a photo of him and I framed in my bedroom. It was taken at the beach a few years ago. I can just glance at that photo and still hear his voice and his laugh. "The only photos you will ever regret, are the ones you didn't take..."
God has put it on my heart to reach more with this ministry, touch more families. I need to try just a little harder to make it successful. Not only do I want to offer free professional photography services to terminally ill children, but to parents as well. This would not only be a gift to them, but a gift that their children, and their children would treasure all their lives. God has blessed me with SO much more than I will ever deserve. There is nothing I could ever do in my lifetime to deserve his love and grace. I fail him daily, but I will not be satisfied or content unless I fulfill his plan and calling on my life. I promise to stop ignoring him when he knocks at my heart. I want to try to start sharing my talents and abilities with others, all while honoring HIM and sharing his love with others. I choose not to base the success of this blog and ministry on how many free sessions I do this year... Even if I photograph one deserving family...that is one. And I believe even one matters in God's eyes. I will not be disappointed or feel like this ministry is insignificant. Because the reason I started it was because God put it on my heart. I have never in my life felt the contentment, peace, and the sweet spirit of God like I did when I posted this blog for the first time. That let me know, without a doubt, that I was doing the right thing.
At church today I heard a beautiful quote by mother Theresa. “Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.” I don't want to just go through the motions. The bible states that life is a vapor. I want to make an imprint before my time is up, even if it is a small one. If you know a parent that is terminally sick or has a sick child, please share this blog. I would love nothing more than to give them a photo session, to document the love they share with their family. I know that if I was dying, I would most definitely want photographs with my children for them to always have.
I realize that I need to brush up on my blogging skills. I am not the best blogger and will never claim to be. I feel like I have skipped from one point to the next. I've rambled a lot, forgive me. I'm just typing what is on my heart. Please share :)
